Archer, And Why You Should Watch It

I will admit, I have only seen the second season in anything approaching totality, but I can easily say I am looking forward to purchasing the box set and watching all of the series at my leisure at a later date. Until that time though, I can enjoy reruns of season two and catch any episodes that might have slipped through.

For the few cave dwellers who recently discovered network television and the Internet, Archer is an animated television show that takes the best from every spy film you've ever seen and hurls it against the wall and super-sonic speeds just to see how they splatter. Silly, sexy, and full of humor coming from unexpected places, Archer is a must see on TV.

Though I came in late, mostly because I assumed the show was a little too similar to Frisky Dingo for my tastes (hint, I didn't like that show AT ALL), I have come to greatly enjoy Archer, at the cost of missing the first season.

One of my favorite episodes Pipeline Fever, an episode where Archer(H. Jon Benjamin) and Lana(Aisha Taylor) are paired up to save America's largest natural gas pipeline from an eco-terrorist, and where the most memorable parts (for me) include Archer's horrible fear of alligators, pulling a shot gun out in a plane, and continuously mocking a nature activist code named after a character from J.R.R. Tolkein's Lord of the Rings (I forget which, but that's because Archer keeps saying other character's names to make fun of him, such as Treebeard, and the line 'Suck it, Samwise!'). The other plot of the episode, meshing neatly with the mission, is when Malory(Jessica Walter) tries to make ISIS headquarters 'green', something that the other members of ISIS don't take to very well, especially Krieger(Lucky Yates)'s secret clones, who die in the tanks when power to the laboratory is cut down.

"He has an arrow sticking out of his head!"
"Yeah, I think that's what enraged him."

But my favorite episode has to be El Secuestro, where Pam(Amber Nash) is mistaken as Cheryl(Judy Greer), mostly due to Cheryl's instance that Pam was in fact Cheryl, and held for ransom. Revealed in the episode is Cheryl's incredible wealth and Pam's ability to take a punch, her history of fighting in underground fight-clubs to pay for college. Pam gleefully aids the kidnappers in infiltrating the ISIS HQ so she can get back at Malory's insult at claiming that her life was only worth a few thousand dollars offhandedly, culminating in Pam just stripping half naked, jumping on Malory and beating the crap out of her off-camera. While not having as many individually hilarious gags, it was certainly the best episode I had ever seen.

"Anybody want a piece of this?"
"Nope."

And though I don't remember what episode it's from, the best quote from the season, hands down, is when Malory talks to Krieger and says: 'Keep your friends close, and possible clones of Hitler, closer.'

I Got Portable Nut Part 1

So I was wandering around the mall 4 days ago and deiced to take a gander at the GameStop. They were having some buy 2 get 1 free sale and I thought I might find something of interest "I got a few bucks on me, why not?" Little did I know(cliches any one?) what I was getting myself into. I've had a GameStop card from a year or two ago, haven't really thought about it. I went to the check out counter to see if I had any store credit. I had 157 bucks in tricky dick fun bucks. So I bought a PSP 2000 and 4 games.

It's a Nut you can play outside

I've never had a PSP or played on for that matter, so it was an entirely new experience. I know, why a PSP when I could have saved it for a 3DS or the NGP(please change the name Sony)? Why not? I missed all that is PSP so I thought now was my chance to dive in. The games and systems are cheep with out being impossible to find.

At first I was just fiddling around with the system itself, no games played. I wanted to know what it could do.  Music and video play back is defiantly a plus over the DS (my only other handheld for the past 4 years or so). I understand why most people thought it would dethrone Nintendo from the handheld world. Obviously that didn't happen, mainly because of the software. You need software to make it in the tech world. It's near the end for the PSP so it would have a large library of killer titles I haven't played, which I look forward to after I finish my initial haul of games.  My only gripe so far is the analog stick. It is a little off in placement for my thumb to use it comfortably, other wise I'm happy with my purchase at the moment.

The four games used to pop my PSP cherry are Assassin's Creed: Bloodlines, Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, LittleBig Planet, and Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep. The games are enjoyable and easy to play so far. I only got into Assassin's Creed and LittleBig Planet right now though, I like to finish one story game before moving on to the next. With Assassin's Creed being the story game for the first round.

Conveniently placed hay will be Evil's undoing

Assassin's Creed is  a lot better than I expected, though not perfect. The camera doesn't seem to want to work with me when trying to jump in a series of beams and rooftops, causing me to fall. I might just be noobing it up, but at 44% in I think I should have the hang on the game mechanics by now. The story is alright but I find myself going "who cares, let me run around and kill things already" more often than not. The graphics are great, and the voice acting is good to tolerable. I would give it an 7 out of 10 if I had to give it a number.

LittleBig Planet is quite enjoyable. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy vibe from the narration and over all art style is great. The customization is a plus. I know you can create levels but I haven't gotten around to that. The platforming is solid and the physics are what you would expect, easily filling my need for a decent platformer whenever I get the urge. A solid 8/10 for me so far.

PSP Experience at 4 days

8/10

I plan on doing one or two more of these and finish with an over all score for my experience.

Star Wars: The Old Republic

Just what feelings do those two words evoke in you? For a rare number of you, nothing much, as you have not seen the movies and do not really plan to. For some of you, a mild contempt at nerds for fawning over a movie as much as they do. But for a vast majority of you, myself included, those words evoke a sort of awe that is rarely seen in the world any more. Regardless of how you view the movies, George Lucas did spark something when he first pumped out the original Star Wars film back in the 1970's, a phenomenon that has never quite lost momentum over decades, and only sped up in recent years with the proper onset of video games.

One of the most popular video games that can claim the honor of being part of the Star Wars extended universe is Star Wars: Knights of The Old Republic(though it's sequel was significantly less popular), commonly shortened to Star Wars: KoTOR, a game from BioWare set 4,000 years before the rise of Darth Vader. In the game you play as a Jedi Knight named Revan, traveling the galaxy with your companions before either saving it, or enslaving it. Yes, in KoTOR, you can actually fall from the light side of the Force and become a Sith Lord through your choices and actions in game, affecting the development of some of your companions as well. Canonically, your character stays a Jedi and saves the galaxy before vanishing some years later to search out an evil in the far reaches of space, never to return.

The Ally cast of KoTOR, excluding your custom made character.

From left: HK-47, Canderous Ordo, Jolee Bindo, Juhani, Bastila Shan, Carth Onasi, Mission Vao, Zalbaar, and T3-M4

Roughly 400 years later, the evil which Revan sought reveals its self to be a fully reborn Sith Empire with a devastating attack on the Republic, eventually capturing enough worlds to threaten Coruscant, the planetwide city that is the capitol of the Galactic Republic. While negotiating for a truce, the Sith set the location on a world that would pull people away from Coruscant, leaving it vulnerable for a surprise attack. With the planet as leverage, the Sith set the terms for the truce, and the Republic agreed to them. The Jedi are some how blamed for this, and are forced to move to the ancient home world of their order, Tython, to escape the ridicule and scorn of the people.

Screenshot featuring the assault of the Jedi Temple during the Sacking of Coruscant

Roughly ten years after what is referred to as the Sacking of Coruscant, the setting in which you play the game, the truce, known as the Treaty of Coruscant, is starting to fray, full blown war all but declared once again. Several playable classes have been announced in this massively multiplayer online role playing game, including the Smuggler, Jedi Knight, Jedi Consular, and Republic Trooper fighting for the Galactic Republic and the Light Side of the Force, and the Bounty Hunter, Sith Warrior, Sith Inquisitor and Imperial agent fighting for the Sith Empire and the Dark Side. Each class has two possible 'Super Classes' (I don't think that is what they are actually called, but I can't remember the name right now) that they came become once they reach a certain level.

The Smuggler

The Jedi Knight

The Jedi Consular

The Smuggler

The Sith Warrior

The Imperial Agent

Don't think that this is just a Star Wars flavored World of Warcraft though, rather a KoTOR that you can play with all of your friends, and thousands of people you don't know. There are even moments in the game, critical story moments called 'Flash Points' where you and your companion can make choices in dialogue and deed, controlling the outcome of the scene and the following encounter with your actions. Speaking of dialogue, Star Wars: The Old Republic is the very first MMORPG that is fully voiced. No boring walls of text for you to scroll through, but talented voice actors that you can enjoy giving emotionally motivated dialogue, along with your own character speaking back. And this isn't just for story characters, either. Every single character, every NPC, everyone is fully voiced.

You know those mounts you get in other MMOs? Yeah, you get something like that in SWTOR too. A freakin' spaceship!

Pictured Above: TWO Freakin' Spaceships!

From Left: Jedi Knight's Defender, Sith Warrior's Fury

But again, don't make assumptions based on the past. In KoTOR, you also had a ship, but really, it was more of a mobile room that you didn't have control over aside from the turret, little better than a fast travel system with a minigame that only showed up sometimes. In this game though, you can fly your ship into an actual battle zone, zipping around and firing your cannons at on coming enemy fighters, with special points awarded for taking out the capital ships you might find along the way. These bits generally play out like a scene from the old Star Fox64 game, as far as the released demo video has shown any how.

A Screenshot of Ship Combat

The release date for the game is not yet disclosed, which really gets my goat, if the phrase applies. Along with the spaceship footage, there have been releases of game play footage for several classes, interesting tidbits of story, messages from behind the scenes of development, and even incredible cut scenes just for promotion. I don't know about the rest of you, but I cannot wait for this game to come out. Seriously, I am geeking out over here!

I will post more about this as I receive information, so keep an eye out!

Your Highness

Today was a pretty good day. Cold, windy, drizzling, all things that could describe today. 'But Tyler,' I hear you say. 'That doesn't sound like a good day at all!' Well, you're right, that isn't what made today a good day. What made today a good day was the fact that through that drizzle, I made my way to the theater and watched Your Highness.

Your Highness takes place in a world of magic and honor, swordplay and saucy wenches, and the brothers Prince Fabious and Prince Thadeous. The elder brother, Prince Fabious, is away when our story begins, so we start off with the younger Prince Thadeous, who is in a bit of trouble with the dwarf king. Yes, the movie opens with one of the chief protagonists about to be hanged, and his faithful servant Courtney being tarred and feathered just for being associated with him. It seems the dwarves never thought they would have to hang a human sized person, and their gallows' drop is barely enough to make Thadeous uncomfortable. While they are trying to figure out what to do, Thadeous and Courtney escape, leading into the hilarious opening credits.

The main plot of the movie, is that upon Prince Fabious' return, he brings with him a blushing bride-to-be, Belladonna. The evil sorcerer Lazar crashes the wedding and kidnaps Belladonna, and the childish Thadeous is forced to accompany his brother on the quest to rescue her, on pain of banishment. While on the journey, the trio of Thadeous, Fabious, and Courtney, encounter the beautiful Isabel, and find that their two quests might not be so different.

The Wise Wizard, a dirty old pervert who helps everyone on their quests.

Filled with jokes that made me cringe and laugh at the same time, gore that honestly surprised me, and awkward moments aplenty, as well as plenty of times when all the characters break the theme of the times, Your Highness is definitely one of the overall best movies I have seen this year. For the small child in all of us who giggles at the word 'penis' and young adult in all of us that loves to see someone get run through on a sword, this movie is definitely a must-see.

The Whens & Hows of Your Face

We've all heard the phrase, most of us have used it in one way or another, usually because we don't see something as important enough to properly think up a really good zinger, but some times people honestly think that the phrase 'Your Face' is a really good comeback, but that isn't always true, now is it? No, the proper usage of the 'Your Face' comeback requires finesse, proper timing, and a basic knowledge of human anatomy, particularly of the facial region.

In the first instance, let us say that some unruly churl has called your mother a whore. For some people, this would warrant an outright physical assault on the offender, but this would be unwise. Why is it unwise? Because in the court of law, he would win. Instead, you might consider retorting with a simple, elegant, 'Your Face.' Of course, this is not right either. Why? Because simply stating 'Your Face' will get you laughed at, and saying one of the variants, such as the honorable 'So Is Your Face,' it would not make any sense, as ones face can not, in fact, be a whore. In this case, a more thought out response would be appropriate, to get your opponent good and riled until he makes a particular mistake. Such a mistake might be using similarly simplistic insults such as the classic 'You Are Ugly,' a primitive precursor to 'Your Face,' which can easily be blocked and rebounded by the coveted 'So Is' variant of the 'Your Face' defense.

Example:

You're ugly.

So is your face.

Of course, the 'Your Face' is not always meant to be used as rebounding comeback, and can actually be used for a different type of comeback all together. This come back is called the 'Oh Yeah Well' turn around, because it uses that root phrase of 'Oh Yeah? Well-' in order to move yourself from the defensive posture in to a potentially devastating attack formation, combing wonderfully with the 'Your Face' maneuver. Often times, this is a subcategory of the 'Your Face,' since it is rare when you can actually work the phrase into the insult, but since it refers to the face or a facial feature, it still falls squarely under 'Your Face' jurisdiction. Be warned how ever, this combination will only work if there is some thing about the opponents face that you can be reasonably sure they might be worried about, such as a bad case of acne, an oddly sized nose, a piercing, etc. Attacks like these are utterly devastating, often catching the opponent flat footed if they had never considered the idea before.

Example:

You're stupid.

Oh yeah? Well, your face is off center.

Such a remark will stick with the opponent, even if it would seem you lost the fight, eventually driving them to question their aesthetic appeal until they mutilate themselves with surgery after corrective surgery, insuring that you will win the war.

Now, just because 'Your Face' is a great tool in a fight, that does not mean that it can not be used in more eloquent linguistic arenas. Consider politics, quite possibly one of the most dangerous and circuitous uses of any form of communication. When 'Your Face' is properly applied, such confusing routes of verbiage can often be bypassed in favor of a more direct assault. A political debate, being a direct contest between views and orating skills, is the perfect place to show your opponent the skills of the common tongue, as you can see.

Example:

I find your views to be shallow, short sighted, and overtly socialist. Your rebuttal?

I find your face to be shallow, short sighted, and overtly socialist. Bitch.

Another such place where using 'Your Face' would be appropriate would be at a meeting of a corporate staff. Should you find yourself in this setting, not only might it bring some levity into the no doubt drab atmosphere of the meeting, but the chances are also high that it might even reveal corruption among the ranks. If neither of those happen, then your immediate superior is sure to see that you have some serious chutzpah and give you a raise just for saying it out loud.

Example:

What was the profit margin for this quarter?

Your face was the profit margin for this quarter.

As you can see, 'Your Face' is a powerful force in the world, no doubt one of the most influential phrases since the greats, such as 'Give me liberty, or give me death,' 'Tear down this wall,' and of course, 'Where's the beef!?' Truly, 'Your Face' will aid you in all things that you try should you be wise enough to wield it with impunity, and a few smart ass remarks aside.

Three Tits? Awesome!

That's right folks, I have just recently seen the Sci-Fi film entitled Paul, and I have to say, it is one of the best movies I have seen all year. Paul takes place in multiple settings across the United States, beginning in the ever famous nerd migration destination known to all and sundry as ComiCon! We see our heroes, Graeme Willy and Clive Gollings, portrayed by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost respectively, the same hilarious duo that brought you the comedy hits Shawn of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, are simple, if nerdy, tourists from England on their very first visit to ComiCon, buying trinkets, taking pictures, and having fun. The first lines of any kind of interest are uttered when they come into contact with their favorite science-fiction author, Adam Shadowchild(Jeffrey Tambor), and get him to sign Clive's book. Shadowchild comments on the cover art, drawn by Graeme, in a way that pops up every now and again. “Three tits?” he asks, eyebrows raised. “Awesome.”

Aside from ComiCon, Graeme and Clive have a whole itinerary planned out, to visit every UFO hot spot in the USA! Along the way, they make enemies out of a couple of rednecks and pick up a hitchhiker. That hitchhiker being a little gray man with a massive head named Paul (Seth Rogan), who is on the run from the government, a government populated by a start studded cast. The cold and determined agent Lorenzo Zoil(Jason Bateman), the two rookie agents Haggard and O'Reily(Bill Hater and Joe Lo Truglio), and the Big Guy on top(Sigourney Weaver). While on the run with the titular Paul, Graeme and Clive are joined by the lovely, if sheltered, Ruth Buggs(Christin Wyyg). Packed chock full of witty references to everything from Star Wars to Back to the Future, with plenty of Klingon sprinkled in to keep things interesting. Throughout the film, the two rookie agents are left in the dark about their true objective, only Agent Zoil and the Big Guy knowing what was really going down. Not to spoil anything to major, but Haggard and O'Reily decide to take matters into their own hands when they find out about Paul in the hopes of a promotion, which eventually leads to their horrific, and hilarious, deaths.

Throughout the film, Paul shows off his curious powers in many was, from his ability to become invisible when he holds his breath, his ability to heal wounds Mister Myagi-style, even the ability to transfer all knowledge and experience to anyone he wants just by getting a good grip on their head, and he uses each of these abilities often. Invisibility to hide from the Federal agents when the gang is stopped at a roadblock, the healing to revive a bird that crashed into the windshield (quickly followed by consuming the bird), and the knowledge transfer to teach the incredibly ignorant Ruth just what is going on in the universe to get her to open her eyes. Stellar effects and brilliant acting all around, Paul is a must see, from the opening in 1947 to the epic multi-nebulon award winning ending that will leave you sitting in your seat to say 'That was good, eh?'

We Have Arrived!

Welcome, welcome, all you gentle peoples! And all you not gentle peoples. You know, the people who are total ass holes, welcome to you too! Yes, welcome to The Four Lenses, a blog all about whatever the hell we feel like posting. This is pretty much just going to contain anything we happen to post, which will largely contain various reviews and some topics we feel we want to discuss, such as the dichotomy of good and evil, high tech versus classic, wheat versus white, stuff like that. And of course, every thing will be peppered with our signature rapier wit and classy rhetoric. So, with that out of the way, allow me to introduce myself, my name is Tyler, and my comedic timing is flawless. Whether it be a well placed sound effect or a witty comeback, my words are solid gold, when I can think of them. We will be posting every now and again, and we might be joined by a few friends along the way, who will be introduced as they appear, much like video game characters. A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS! Allow me to introduce my good friend and colleague. I'm sorry, did I say friend and colleague? I meant an ass I am forced to spend time with, his name is Mason. Much as I hate to admit it, he isn't all bad, but god forbid you try and get into a debate with him. It doesn't matter what he actually thinks about the situation, he'll just bend all of his willpower to poking holes in everything you say. Between us, there are four lenses, lenses used to refine sight and knowledge to levels incomprehensible by your most likely feeble mind. Yes, we are complete and total geniuses and you will hang on our every word! Muahahahahahahaha!