The Whens & Hows of Your Face

We've all heard the phrase, most of us have used it in one way or another, usually because we don't see something as important enough to properly think up a really good zinger, but some times people honestly think that the phrase 'Your Face' is a really good comeback, but that isn't always true, now is it? No, the proper usage of the 'Your Face' comeback requires finesse, proper timing, and a basic knowledge of human anatomy, particularly of the facial region.

In the first instance, let us say that some unruly churl has called your mother a whore. For some people, this would warrant an outright physical assault on the offender, but this would be unwise. Why is it unwise? Because in the court of law, he would win. Instead, you might consider retorting with a simple, elegant, 'Your Face.' Of course, this is not right either. Why? Because simply stating 'Your Face' will get you laughed at, and saying one of the variants, such as the honorable 'So Is Your Face,' it would not make any sense, as ones face can not, in fact, be a whore. In this case, a more thought out response would be appropriate, to get your opponent good and riled until he makes a particular mistake. Such a mistake might be using similarly simplistic insults such as the classic 'You Are Ugly,' a primitive precursor to 'Your Face,' which can easily be blocked and rebounded by the coveted 'So Is' variant of the 'Your Face' defense.

Example:

You're ugly.

So is your face.

Of course, the 'Your Face' is not always meant to be used as rebounding comeback, and can actually be used for a different type of comeback all together. This come back is called the 'Oh Yeah Well' turn around, because it uses that root phrase of 'Oh Yeah? Well-' in order to move yourself from the defensive posture in to a potentially devastating attack formation, combing wonderfully with the 'Your Face' maneuver. Often times, this is a subcategory of the 'Your Face,' since it is rare when you can actually work the phrase into the insult, but since it refers to the face or a facial feature, it still falls squarely under 'Your Face' jurisdiction. Be warned how ever, this combination will only work if there is some thing about the opponents face that you can be reasonably sure they might be worried about, such as a bad case of acne, an oddly sized nose, a piercing, etc. Attacks like these are utterly devastating, often catching the opponent flat footed if they had never considered the idea before.

Example:

You're stupid.

Oh yeah? Well, your face is off center.

Such a remark will stick with the opponent, even if it would seem you lost the fight, eventually driving them to question their aesthetic appeal until they mutilate themselves with surgery after corrective surgery, insuring that you will win the war.

Now, just because 'Your Face' is a great tool in a fight, that does not mean that it can not be used in more eloquent linguistic arenas. Consider politics, quite possibly one of the most dangerous and circuitous uses of any form of communication. When 'Your Face' is properly applied, such confusing routes of verbiage can often be bypassed in favor of a more direct assault. A political debate, being a direct contest between views and orating skills, is the perfect place to show your opponent the skills of the common tongue, as you can see.

Example:

I find your views to be shallow, short sighted, and overtly socialist. Your rebuttal?

I find your face to be shallow, short sighted, and overtly socialist. Bitch.

Another such place where using 'Your Face' would be appropriate would be at a meeting of a corporate staff. Should you find yourself in this setting, not only might it bring some levity into the no doubt drab atmosphere of the meeting, but the chances are also high that it might even reveal corruption among the ranks. If neither of those happen, then your immediate superior is sure to see that you have some serious chutzpah and give you a raise just for saying it out loud.

Example:

What was the profit margin for this quarter?

Your face was the profit margin for this quarter.

As you can see, 'Your Face' is a powerful force in the world, no doubt one of the most influential phrases since the greats, such as 'Give me liberty, or give me death,' 'Tear down this wall,' and of course, 'Where's the beef!?' Truly, 'Your Face' will aid you in all things that you try should you be wise enough to wield it with impunity, and a few smart ass remarks aside.